Winging it with the Kiwis....Get It??: Happy New Years...Belated!!!!

Happy New Years Everyone! I know, it is rather late to be saying that...but in my defense I haven't had internet for awhile.

Hope everyone brought in the New Year exactly how they wanted, and that resolutions for a better year were made.

Lake Wanaka

I spent my New Years alone this year. Sounds pathetic, right? But I think it was exactly what I needed. I hiked up around Lake Wanaka, found a nice and cozy Cliffside with a great view and enough foliage to block the wind (and me from the view of other hikers). I made a picnic for myself with some garlic salami, cheese, fresh apricots and nectarines, carrots, a lemon pastry, and some local sauvignon blanc. I then waited for the sun to set (seriously, it’s around 10:30, if not later, before it is completely dark here) and for 2013 to end.

My lunchtime view...which ended up being my NYE view. It's sad..it took the

fireworks to wake me up to actually know it was the new year....

It’s funny how something as silly as a date on the calendar can make us reflect on our lives and wish for something new/different/better. And given that I had hours of alone time to drink my wine and reflect on 2013, I had probably TOO much time to come up with a laundry list of resolutions. Like work on my abs. Seriously, this backpack of mine has taught me that core stabilization is everything in terms of balance and stability…and I am severely lacking.

My New Year's sunrise. It looked as if the mountains were on fire.

Soon after, it started raining. The beginning of a series of rainy

days on my travels.

SHEEP. The only other company I had on my 6am walk on New Year's day.

So I’ve been trying really hard to not be all sappy during this blog, but there is one big revelation that really struck me, and that applies to a lot of my friends I think, so I want to share it. So definitely feel free to stop reading as I decide to go against my usual emotional introversion and share a thought.

I’m tired of settling. Of being told to lower my expectations.

I was on a hike the other day, and as soon as I got alone in the bush, I found myself getting frustrated, thinking about some of the things that had happened in 2013. And then I got even more frustrated, because I kept telling myself that this trip was about resetting and leaving all of that in the past and to not dwell on it. I kept trying and trying to think of other things, but each time I did, I thought of something else that had hurt me this year.

And then I finally came to this realization; this trip is not about forgetting and restarting for the new year. It is about rediscovering what I want out of myself, relationships, a career, and why I did not find it this year. Erasing thoughts from my mind and simply “moving on” does not help me address and correct the frustrations from this year.

So back to my revelation; I am tired of settling. I have consistently been told that I should lower my expectations; that it is OK for a boss to make me feel worthless, sabotage my career, and harass me (because, hey, there are asshole bosses everywhere, and the company is not going to fire him, so you might as well tolerate it). That it is OK for men to tell me to lower my standards, accept “lies and an inability to commit” as “not knowing what I want”, and tolerate crude behavior (because Katy, all men are like this and this is a new generation of dating; things have changed and you just need to be more open-minded). That I’m not supposed to be hurt by a friendship fading because they no longer feel the desire to make time for me and do not value me in the way that I value them (you should really not be so emotionally sensitive; these things happen and people come and go in life).

It’s like everything has been telling me to desensitize myself to being hurt and to not hold others (and myself) accountable for how actions affect others. We are so worried about saying things that might offend others, or being considered too sensitive or naïve in this cutthroat world that we pretend that we are ok with sacrificing our feelings or desires for someone else. Obviously, this does not apply to all cases; it is good to sacrifice and be selfless for those you love. But when it means changing ourselves to lower expectations, then I don’t think it is necessarily healthy.

So I guess with all that long rambling, I’m trying to say that no one should settle. Many of us are emotional creatures, and we should all hold each other accountable for our actions so that we can all be aware of how to improve and be better support for each other. And I know a lot of incredible people out there that deserve more than they receive and should be treated better than they are. I hold myself accountable for this too… I have a lot of making up to do on my friends, family, and myself!

Anyway, enough sappiness, sorry about that. Happy New Years, everyone!